Dinner 4/29/12

Tonight’s dinner : oven-baked garlic-y lemon pepper tilapia
w/ summer squash and fancy green beans

= 226 calories. / 6.12 fat/ 5.31 carbs/ 36.16 protein

Fish is weight-loss/health magic

p.s.: I used olive oil when cooking.
If you want to cut back on fat and/or calories, just nix the EVOO (though it is a healthy fat and great for skin/aging).

@ home weigh-in

(originally posted in my weight-loss/fitness tumblr)

The scale says I've lost 10 lbs! - since April 13! - Even better!
That's 10 lbs in a little over 2 weeks!
(That's even after my [total cheat] weekend in Louisiana!)

I go back to the gyno on Tues, so I'll get (what I feel to be) my "official" monthly weigh-in there, but.. hopefully her scale matches mine.
That would be awesome!

Plus.. I just got a new scale that I love <3

It's really the little things isn't it? :)

Can PCOS be Cured with a Raw Food Diet?

 

Raw Radiant Health Blog

A PCOS super site

PCOS DIVA :

What is PCOS Diva?

"As a Health Coach, my goal is to help women with PCOS reclaim their fertility, femininity, health & happiness. PCOS Diva.com is a positive place for women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome to learn how to reduce their symptoms through clean eating, meal planning, exercise, stress reduction, natural treatments and self-care."

Dodging my Doc and (hopefully) my Diabetes

I blogged a couple weeks ago about my inability (needle-phobe) to check my sugar levels, as I've been ordered to by my doctor. Well.. I told you guys I'd be totally honest on here and... the honest truth is.. I don't think I'm even going to go back to that Dr.

Granted, he is kindof a quack to begin with and my fiance recently found an awesome Dr who I really want to start seeing. But... it's also so I can dodge the whole bloodsugar thing. It's just that bad. My bf said he was going to help me, but.. he recently lost his job and.. everything has been turned upside down around here.. and he isn't even freakin in town. Anyway...

I feel guilty they gave me the free kit and if/when I do go see this new Dr, I plan on giving the (unused) kit back to my old Dr. But, yes, I'm just that fucking chicken that.. I'm going to go to a new Dr all together to dodge this damn sugar testing/finger pricking thing.

Also though, I should mention.. on my last gyno appt (different Dr), she suggest I up my dosage of Metformin (instead of taking 500mg 1x a day, take it 2x a day). This alone could cause my blood sugar to not only not be problematic, but could even cause it to be too low. So.. I'm kindof not really worried about it??

The truth of the matter is, yes, I'm still.. in serious fuckin denial about even being diabetic. I just... refuse to believe it/accept it. And.. even if it is true (which it is), I'm in the very beginning stages, so.. I know there is still time to reverse it. My Dr looked @ me like I was crazy when I talked about reversing it (as if it weren't possible), but.. I've read articles and watched youtube videos, Mom's scene it on Dr Oz, etc... It can be done.

I'm just working on losing weight; eating right.. exercising. I work out an average of 5x a week for an average of about 2 hours a day (swimming mostly) and am "dieting". It's too soon to say it's a "lifestyle change", rather than me simply trying to lose weight/get healthy (I think terms like that are so freakin trite and lame anyway), but.. none the less.. we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm also prescribed Adipex, which if I was actually taking it, would help me shred pounds pretty fast, but.. I kinda hate taking it. It's basically just a speed appetite suppressant. Um... I don't really need an appetite suppressant. That's just something my presumptuous Dr gave me. And every appt I go to that I don't lose weight.. he asks "so you're not losing any weight taking the Adipex?". ugh. Again.. I'd like to avoid that conversation as well come next month's appt, by just going to a different Dr anyway. Hopefully one that will give me a weight-loss pill that isn't fucking PhenPhen. What I would like is some type of fat burner, if such a thing exists. I know I've taken OTC fat burners before that worked, so.. I can't imagine them not having one in prescription form. My present Dr claims Adipex is the ONLY diet pill on the market. Um.. I kind of highly doubt that. seriously.

But... I've gotta go swim now. I've only got 2 hours until closing time.
Adios!

Livestrong Ovulation Calender

Hey ladies

I failed to mention in my previous post about Livestrong's My Daily Plate, the site also has an Ovulation Calendar!

My 1st time checking my bloodsugar = Fail

I go to my GP every month. It seems more often than not they draw blood to run labs, whether it be to check my thyroid, my bloodsugar, my hemoglobin (to see if I'm getting enough iron) or whatever other random test they decide to do.

Based on my labs on last month's visit (3/15/2012, I believe) he told me he wanted me to start checking my sugars with a monitor because they were just a little high (now what did I eat before I went to my appt? I have no idea. sushi? taco bell? who knows). He wanted me to come back in before (last) month's end to pick up a (free) monitor, but.. I never made the appt.

When this month's appt rolled around (4/13/2012), I could no longer hide. I was "lucky" enough (depending on you definition of luck) to get a free monitor and the whole kit-n-caboodle via Liberty. My doc told me he wanted me to start checking and logging my sugars every other day; to check in the morning before breakfast and again in the evening 2 hours after dinner.

The plan all along (well, the plan I made for myself, that is) was to ease myself into the idea and to start the actual testing Monday (today). I woke up.. grabbed my kit.. sat down at the kitchen table and slowly started removing all the contents from the Liberty bag. I played around w 3 different needles before I figured out how to get the setting right. This went on for what seemed like 30 minutes. Once I finally felt I had everything set up properly and knew what I was doing, I turned on some music hoping it would calm me. I took a deep breath and put the device to my fingertip, but.. instead of pushing the "trigger".. I just started crying. I sat crying for a good few minutes.. just staring at the scene in front of me and this thing in my hand. What was I going to do? I got this free monitor. I had to start logging this - doctor's orders!

Well, I'm a bit of a picker, so.. I start looking for places on myself to "pick".. to scratch or squeeze. Sick, pathetic, but true. I finally manage to find this tiny little scab on my arm. I squeeze all the fresh blood I can out of it, but.. it just won't measure on the stick. :sigh:

Overall, obviously, a failed attempt. I just can't/couldn't do it. I'm a huge needle-phobe. I hate getting blood drawn. I'm like a 5 year old girl. (Actually, when I was a little girl, they had to literally hold me down to take blood. It was always a huge scene. I cried when I had to get shoots, even as a teenager.) It's bad.

The only positive spin on this is that I only have to do it every other day. That being said, my bf and I are going to try to work something out where he can help me. Maybe if he can do it for me and provide the comfort/support I need.. we can somehow make this work. I guess I/we'll try (again) tonight and see..

My Daily Plate

I have SO much catching up to do (which I intend to do in the coming days), but meanwhile..
I did open a brand new My Daily Plate tonight. I've used it in the past and think it is a really great tool. I've tried a few others that were similar (like The Spark, for example), but still like My Daily Plate the best.

They've always offered a great way to track your food and fitness, but now they cater specifically toward women (or men) and even offer a MyPlateD, which is specially formulated for diabetics (types 1 or 2.. you just enter in all the info most suited to you). It's great.

I (obviously) highly endorse it! :)

Five Years!

This is not necessarily a common PCOS hot topic, but.. is still something crazy important to me that is crucial to my life story and my experience with my diagnoses. Today marks the day of my fifth year of sobriety!!! In this instance, "sobriety" is a kind of all-encompassing statement, because yes, I have been drug-free for a full 5 years, but I have also tackled many other past hurdles and demons of serious self-destructive behavior. The fact I'm even alive to be typing this right now is pretty amazing.

One reason this is so important though and chose to share it here, is because upon getting my diagnoses w PCOS, diabetes and everything else I got diagnosed with... naturally, I had a very serious meltdown. It was the closest I've come to a relapse that I can remember. Not only was a scared, sad, worried, shocked, etc..etc.. I was angry. Very angry.

I was healthy before I cleaned myself up. I mean.. to an outsider I looked like shit, but.. especially comparably speaking.. I was freakin healthy. I changed my entire life around for the sake of my health. Everyone knows "drugs are bad for you" and.. that "drugs kill".. on and on. Well.. imagine my disappointment when I should be the healthiest I've ever been, because I'm living the cleanest lifestyle I've ever lived.. only to find out I'm the sickest I've ever been. I'm infertile? I'm diabetic? I'm extremely overweight (that goes hand in hand with sobriety. and in my case, not only sobriety, but recovery from years and years of eating disorders). I was furious. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. I cursed my sobriety, thinking.. if only I kept doing drugs.. or if only I kept up my eating disorders.. how much thinner I would be, how much "healthier" I would be. It was tough. It is tough. When I got that phone call yesterday about my sugars.. all those thoughts came flooding back for a fleeting moment. And not just those thoughts.. suicidal thoughts. It's hard for me to be sick. I won't lie to you. It is hard to know I am so incredibly profoundly imperfect, thanks to this disease. At times.. it is devastating difficult. It truly is.

But.. I've gone 5 years with no drugs, 5 years with no suicide attempts and 5 years with no self injury. So.. I just have to keep it going. I have to stay strong. I'll never understand how switching from such an unhealthy lifestyle into a clean lifestyle lead to a belly full of disease, but it did.. and I'm just going to have to learn to live with.. and survive it.

I have to remember I've made it too far to let this illness be the death of me.

Keepin it real

:Whew: Well, obviously I haven't written in awhile and honestly... that's because I really have not had much to write about. Prior to my getting diagnosed with diabetes I was on the right track.. very involved w my doctors and following a proper diet&exercise routine, taking all my meds, tracking every detail of my daily life in my little phone notebook.. the whole thing. (I advise, btw, to do all of this. Everything I just mentioned.. do it and stick with it.)

Unfortunately, after diagnoses.. things just kind of fell apart. I think it was my fear that propelled me prior to official diagnoses. When they said I was pre-diabetic, I wanted so badly to prove them wrong.. I think I was doing everything in my power to do so. Unfortunately, when I found out I was indeed actually diabetic.. I guess I just gave up. I (internally) said "fuck it", if you will. I mean.. it's too late now anyway, right?

Wrong. Of course not. What was I thinking? Now..  (up until yesterday) it had been about 2 and a half months since my last doctors visit. During this time I have not been on a strict diet plan (I should've been, mind you, but I haven't been). I haven't been back to the pool since before New Year's (now, part of this has to do w automotive issues, but.. that's beside the point). No logs, yada yada yada.. you get the picture. Luckily, I have stuck w the meds and at least when it comes to the way I feel physically, I am certainly all the better for it. Even better.. I am shocked to know I didn't even gain all my weight back. I didn't keep it off either though, of course. I did have a 3 lb weight gain since my last visit, so.. about a lb a month (though you do have to give or take a lb or 2, as we all know).

The kicker though (and the reason why I felt compelled to finally start this damn blog I said I was going to start).. I got a call from my Dr today. I got some blood work done yesterday and he called me with the results. My thyroid looks great (hallelujah. thank you, Synthroid), but my blood sugar is higher than it should be (:sigh:). I should be at about a 7 and yesterday (after eating leftover spicy mango shrimp & rice) I was a 7.8. Verdict? I now have to actually start checking my sugars. Before, he just stuck me on Metformin (which best I can tell is making me feel amazingly better) and told me to watch my diet, no worry w checking blood sugar. Yeah. Now, thanks to my 'out of sight, out of mind' way of handling my diagnoses.. I've manged to have it all backfire on me and things are starting to feel pretty freakin real.

I have another appointment with him in 2 weeks to do another sugar test and to get all my testing supplies. I called my mom and told her and of course had to endure an "encouraging" lecture. Now.. it's just telling the fiance. This is where the breakdown comes. Literal tears. :sigh:

The fact of the matter is, as it is, my weight is already the giant elephant in the room. Being diabetic, along with everything else that comes along w PCOS.. it's just too much. Or causes me to worry it's too much anyway. I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and see me as this damaged thing and leave, so.. having to test my sugars and.. have that as something going on in our household.. it just really freaks me out.

Hopefully having to test my sugars now will help me get back on the right track. If nothing else, just tracking everything (diet, exercise, sugar numbers) is so important. I'm wondering though, of course, how much it will really bring home the fact that I am now indeed diabetic. I still don't feel diabetic. I still don't think of myself as diabetic. And.. sure as hell don't want to think of myslf that way for heavens sake. Ugh! This is tough, guys. Tough.

I gotta get it together.