I blogged a couple weeks ago about my inability (needle-phobe) to check my sugar levels, as I've been ordered to by my doctor. Well.. I told you guys I'd be totally honest on here and... the honest truth is.. I don't think I'm even going to go back to that Dr.
Granted, he is kindof a quack to begin with and my fiance recently found an awesome Dr who I really want to start seeing. But... it's also so I can dodge the whole bloodsugar thing. It's just that bad. My bf said he was going to help me, but.. he recently lost his job and.. everything has been turned upside down around here.. and he isn't even freakin in town. Anyway...
I feel guilty they gave me the free kit and if/when I do go see this new Dr, I plan on giving the (unused) kit back to my old Dr. But, yes, I'm just that fucking chicken that.. I'm going to go to a new Dr all together to dodge this damn sugar testing/finger pricking thing.
Also though, I should mention.. on my last gyno appt (different Dr), she suggest I up my dosage of Metformin (instead of taking 500mg 1x a day, take it 2x a day). This alone could cause my blood sugar to not only not be problematic, but could even cause it to be too low. So.. I'm kindof not really worried about it??
The truth of the matter is, yes, I'm still.. in serious fuckin denial about even being diabetic. I just... refuse to believe it/accept it. And.. even if it is true (which it is), I'm in the very beginning stages, so.. I know there is still time to reverse it. My Dr looked @ me like I was crazy when I talked about reversing it (as if it weren't possible), but.. I've read articles and watched youtube videos, Mom's scene it on Dr Oz, etc... It can be done.
I'm just working on losing weight; eating right.. exercising. I work out an average of 5x a week for an average of about 2 hours a day (swimming mostly) and am "dieting". It's too soon to say it's a "lifestyle change", rather than me simply trying to lose weight/get healthy (I think terms like that are so freakin trite and lame anyway), but.. none the less.. we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
I'm also prescribed Adipex, which if I was actually taking it, would help me shred pounds pretty fast, but.. I kinda hate taking it. It's basically just a speed appetite suppressant. Um... I don't really need an appetite suppressant. That's just something my presumptuous Dr gave me. And every appt I go to that I don't lose weight.. he asks "so you're not losing any weight taking the Adipex?". ugh. Again.. I'd like to avoid that conversation as well come next month's appt, by just going to a different Dr anyway. Hopefully one that will give me a weight-loss pill that isn't fucking PhenPhen. What I would like is some type of fat burner, if such a thing exists. I know I've taken OTC fat burners before that worked, so.. I can't imagine them not having one in prescription form. My present Dr claims Adipex is the ONLY diet pill on the market. Um.. I kind of highly doubt that. seriously.
But... I've gotta go swim now. I've only got 2 hours until closing time.
Adios!
Showing posts with label doctors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctors. Show all posts
Friday, April 27, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Keepin it real
:Whew: Well, obviously I haven't written in awhile and honestly... that's because I really have not had much to write about. Prior to my getting diagnosed with diabetes I was on the right track.. very involved w my doctors and following a proper diet&exercise routine, taking all my meds, tracking every detail of my daily life in my little phone notebook.. the whole thing. (I advise, btw, to do all of this. Everything I just mentioned.. do it and stick with it.)
Unfortunately, after diagnoses.. things just kind of fell apart. I think it was my fear that propelled me prior to official diagnoses. When they said I was pre-diabetic, I wanted so badly to prove them wrong.. I think I was doing everything in my power to do so. Unfortunately, when I found out I was indeed actually diabetic.. I guess I just gave up. I (internally) said "fuck it", if you will. I mean.. it's too late now anyway, right?
Wrong. Of course not. What was I thinking? Now.. (up until yesterday) it had been about 2 and a half months since my last doctors visit. During this time I have not been on a strict diet plan (I should've been, mind you, but I haven't been). I haven't been back to the pool since before New Year's (now, part of this has to do w automotive issues, but.. that's beside the point). No logs, yada yada yada.. you get the picture. Luckily, I have stuck w the meds and at least when it comes to the way I feel physically, I am certainly all the better for it. Even better.. I am shocked to know I didn't even gain all my weight back. I didn't keep it off either though, of course. I did have a 3 lb weight gain since my last visit, so.. about a lb a month (though you do have to give or take a lb or 2, as we all know).
The kicker though (and the reason why I felt compelled to finally start this damn blog I said I was going to start).. I got a call from my Dr today. I got some blood work done yesterday and he called me with the results. My thyroid looks great (hallelujah. thank you, Synthroid), but my blood sugar is higher than it should be (:sigh:). I should be at about a 7 and yesterday (after eating leftover spicy mango shrimp & rice) I was a 7.8. Verdict? I now have to actually start checking my sugars. Before, he just stuck me on Metformin (which best I can tell is making me feel amazingly better) and told me to watch my diet, no worry w checking blood sugar. Yeah. Now, thanks to my 'out of sight, out of mind' way of handling my diagnoses.. I've manged to have it all backfire on me and things are starting to feel pretty freakin real.
I have another appointment with him in 2 weeks to do another sugar test and to get all my testing supplies. I called my mom and told her and of course had to endure an "encouraging" lecture. Now.. it's just telling the fiance. This is where the breakdown comes. Literal tears. :sigh:
The fact of the matter is, as it is, my weight is already the giant elephant in the room. Being diabetic, along with everything else that comes along w PCOS.. it's just too much. Or causes me to worry it's too much anyway. I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and see me as this damaged thing and leave, so.. having to test my sugars and.. have that as something going on in our household.. it just really freaks me out.
Hopefully having to test my sugars now will help me get back on the right track. If nothing else, just tracking everything (diet, exercise, sugar numbers) is so important. I'm wondering though, of course, how much it will really bring home the fact that I am now indeed diabetic. I still don't feel diabetic. I still don't think of myself as diabetic. And.. sure as hell don't want to think of myslf that way for heavens sake. Ugh! This is tough, guys. Tough.
I gotta get it together.
Unfortunately, after diagnoses.. things just kind of fell apart. I think it was my fear that propelled me prior to official diagnoses. When they said I was pre-diabetic, I wanted so badly to prove them wrong.. I think I was doing everything in my power to do so. Unfortunately, when I found out I was indeed actually diabetic.. I guess I just gave up. I (internally) said "fuck it", if you will. I mean.. it's too late now anyway, right?
Wrong. Of course not. What was I thinking? Now.. (up until yesterday) it had been about 2 and a half months since my last doctors visit. During this time I have not been on a strict diet plan (I should've been, mind you, but I haven't been). I haven't been back to the pool since before New Year's (now, part of this has to do w automotive issues, but.. that's beside the point). No logs, yada yada yada.. you get the picture. Luckily, I have stuck w the meds and at least when it comes to the way I feel physically, I am certainly all the better for it. Even better.. I am shocked to know I didn't even gain all my weight back. I didn't keep it off either though, of course. I did have a 3 lb weight gain since my last visit, so.. about a lb a month (though you do have to give or take a lb or 2, as we all know).
The kicker though (and the reason why I felt compelled to finally start this damn blog I said I was going to start).. I got a call from my Dr today. I got some blood work done yesterday and he called me with the results. My thyroid looks great (hallelujah. thank you, Synthroid), but my blood sugar is higher than it should be (:sigh:). I should be at about a 7 and yesterday (after eating leftover spicy mango shrimp & rice) I was a 7.8. Verdict? I now have to actually start checking my sugars. Before, he just stuck me on Metformin (which best I can tell is making me feel amazingly better) and told me to watch my diet, no worry w checking blood sugar. Yeah. Now, thanks to my 'out of sight, out of mind' way of handling my diagnoses.. I've manged to have it all backfire on me and things are starting to feel pretty freakin real.
I have another appointment with him in 2 weeks to do another sugar test and to get all my testing supplies. I called my mom and told her and of course had to endure an "encouraging" lecture. Now.. it's just telling the fiance. This is where the breakdown comes. Literal tears. :sigh:
The fact of the matter is, as it is, my weight is already the giant elephant in the room. Being diabetic, along with everything else that comes along w PCOS.. it's just too much. Or causes me to worry it's too much anyway. I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and see me as this damaged thing and leave, so.. having to test my sugars and.. have that as something going on in our household.. it just really freaks me out.
Hopefully having to test my sugars now will help me get back on the right track. If nothing else, just tracking everything (diet, exercise, sugar numbers) is so important. I'm wondering though, of course, how much it will really bring home the fact that I am now indeed diabetic. I still don't feel diabetic. I still don't think of myself as diabetic. And.. sure as hell don't want to think of myslf that way for heavens sake. Ugh! This is tough, guys. Tough.
I gotta get it together.
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