:Whew: Well, obviously I haven't written in awhile and honestly... that's because I really have not had much to write about. Prior to my getting diagnosed with diabetes I was on the right track.. very involved w my doctors and following a proper diet&exercise routine, taking all my meds, tracking every detail of my daily life in my little phone notebook.. the whole thing. (I advise, btw, to do all of this. Everything I just mentioned.. do it and stick with it.)
Unfortunately, after diagnoses.. things just kind of fell apart. I think it was my fear that propelled me prior to official diagnoses. When they said I was pre-diabetic, I wanted so badly to prove them wrong.. I think I was doing everything in my power to do so. Unfortunately, when I found out I was indeed actually diabetic.. I guess I just gave up. I (internally) said "fuck it", if you will. I mean.. it's too late now anyway, right?
Wrong. Of course not. What was I thinking? Now.. (up until yesterday) it had been about 2 and a half months since my last doctors visit. During this time I have not been on a strict diet plan (I should've been, mind you, but I haven't been). I haven't been back to the pool since before New Year's (now, part of this has to do w automotive issues, but.. that's beside the point). No logs, yada yada yada.. you get the picture. Luckily, I have stuck w the meds and at least when it comes to the way I feel physically, I am certainly all the better for it. Even better.. I am shocked to know I didn't even gain all my weight back. I didn't keep it off either though, of course. I did have a 3 lb weight gain since my last visit, so.. about a lb a month (though you do have to give or take a lb or 2, as we all know).
The kicker though (and the reason why I felt compelled to finally start this damn blog I said I was going to start).. I got a call from my Dr today. I got some blood work done yesterday and he called me with the results. My thyroid looks great (hallelujah. thank you, Synthroid), but my blood sugar is higher than it should be (:sigh:). I should be at about a 7 and yesterday (after eating leftover spicy mango shrimp & rice) I was a 7.8. Verdict? I now have to actually start checking my sugars. Before, he just stuck me on Metformin (which best I can tell is making me feel amazingly better) and told me to watch my diet, no worry w checking blood sugar. Yeah. Now, thanks to my 'out of sight, out of mind' way of handling my diagnoses.. I've manged to have it all backfire on me and things are starting to feel pretty freakin real.
I have another appointment with him in 2 weeks to do another sugar test and to get all my testing supplies. I called my mom and told her and of course had to endure an "encouraging" lecture. Now.. it's just telling the fiance. This is where the breakdown comes. Literal tears. :sigh:
The fact of the matter is, as it is, my weight is already the giant elephant in the room. Being diabetic, along with everything else that comes along w PCOS.. it's just too much. Or causes me to worry it's too much anyway. I'm afraid he'll wake up one day and see me as this damaged thing and leave, so.. having to test my sugars and.. have that as something going on in our household.. it just really freaks me out.
Hopefully having to test my sugars now will help me get back on the right track. If nothing else, just tracking everything (diet, exercise, sugar numbers) is so important. I'm wondering though, of course, how much it will really bring home the fact that I am now indeed diabetic. I still don't feel diabetic. I still don't think of myself as diabetic. And.. sure as hell don't want to think of myslf that way for heavens sake. Ugh! This is tough, guys. Tough.
I gotta get it together.
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